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Need Advice! Please help!

Need Advice! Please help!
Spr175psu

Spr175psu

Super Active DPF Member
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So, as most of you know, I am only one pin away from being a Mr. Toad completist. The final pin is of course a ridiculously rare LE 15 from a framed set from 15 years ago. I was lucky enough to acquire a different Mr. Toad LE 15 from the same set (why would there be two?!?!) that isn't even on pinpics or PTDB. Maybe I should put it up there?

Anyway, I randomly messaged a seller who seems to be known for acquiring super rare pins and he told me that he might have one somewhere and he would look for it. Fast forward a week later and he messaged me saying that he found it! I was thrilled, asked for pictures, and I thought it was basically a done deal.

He then replied back asking what my offer for the pin was, which I promptly provided, and then I have been ghosted ever since. The offer I sent I thought was more than fair and significantly more than the one that sold back in January that I lost out on.

I've been sending countless messages in the hopes that he would respond to at least tell me that the offer was insufficient or something, but I have not received a single response in weeks.

What should I do? Should I forget about it? Try to forget that I never tracked it down in the first place? Keep messaging him in the hopes that one of them actually gets through? I'm honestly at a loss and completely dejected.

Quick sidebar: I never understood why people ghost you, just say "No", we're all adults and can handle disappointment or could at least get over it better/more quickly if we receive closure. But to just ignore people honestly comes across as cowardly or afraid of even the most minimal of confrontations.

Anyway, GIF-less rant over. Please advise on what I should do. Thanks so much!
 
Depending on when this messaging started perhaps it was related to the recent holiday? I know I just had a shipping debacle with a trade and in working to get it resolved sure felt like I was being ghosted and I said to myself be patient...I didn’t bombard with messages because that freaks people out, I gave a week and then went to say I’m getting very worried and they responded two days later. It did feel like an eternity.

I had another where I had a trade lined up waiting for them to send photos and then they just ghosted me...fine then randomly like a month later they message me trying to trade another pin...

So perhaps they in their pin correspondence got busy engaged with work or a recent holiday or simply forgot? I say stop bombarding because it does freak people out and try the old: are you okay I’m concerned that I haven’t heard from you, because it really could be something else entirely and nothing to do with pins...:)) that pin will find its way to you, I know I’ve been rooting for you...:))


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
I find that people that ask for offers rather than putting up a price are really flaky in general. It could just be my experience, but they have a number in mind, they're just hoping you'll shoot above it. Or they're not sure they want to sell it, so they ask for an offer to see if it tickles their fancy. They might be mulling over your offer or ghosting you. I'd give it a week with no contact. They could be hoping that by ghosting you, you send a higher offer.
 
If I understand correctly, you've already sent them a bunch of follow up notes that they have not replied to. In general, I think that means one of two things:

1. Something came up and they are indisposed and they will get back to you when they are ready to. In that case, sending more messages doesn't help and just sends a message of desperation and may even turn them off. (Thinking of the potential date leaving you countless messages on your voicemail asking why you're not calling them back.)

2. They decided they don't want to sell you the pin. I think this would likely not just be at the price you quoted, in which case they would probably have at least said the price is no good, but at any price. Maybe they were just looking for a feel of the market, or decided they love the pin, or whatever. In this case as well, sending more emails won't help.

So, regardless of the situation, I wouldn't send any more emails. Hopefully it's the first situation and you will have a pleasant surprise some day. If it's the second situation, it's unfortunate and the person is a bit of a jerk for not at least letting you know. (I don't know why people do that either. I think sometimes it's a combination of #s 1 and 2 above and by the time #1 is resolved, they have forgotten about communicating #2.) But since it turned up this time, some day it will turn up again!
 
All of these scenarios are possible; I have another; I don't know how likely it is, but it's far more pessimistic. I hope I'm wrong, but I figured it's worth mentioning:

The seller didn't have the pin in hand when he/she messaged you, said it was located, and asked you for an offer. The seller just said the pin was found; perhaps in this case, 'found' meant located, not acquired or in hand. Since I'd imagine the pin would have been expensive to acquire (before the likely markup to resell it to you), I'd guess your seller didn't want to buy the pin without knowing what you'd be willing to pay for it. After all, if you refused it on the grounds that the pin was too expensive, the seller could be stuck with a pin he/she didn't want and might not be able to sell/trade away. Hence the open inquiry of an offer for it. That way, there's always a chance you could offer at least as much, if not more, than his/her 'base' acceptable price - and if you offer too little, a counteroffer could be proposed and negotiations opened.

In any case, since you said you offered significantly more than the last known sold example, I would guess that your offer was more than acceptable. I think it comes down to the seller not having the pin for the aforementioned reason. When the seller had confirmation that you were willing to pay 'enough' for the pin (in the form of your offer) and went to buy it, the seller found out that he/she was too late and someone else already bought it. Now the seller has to tell you that he/she doesn't have the pin ... and he/she would rather ghost you than admit to that.

I agree with everyone else; I see no point in continuing to contact this person. It's unfortunate that this seller has chosen to break off contact in such a manner, but don't let their problem(s) become yours. It's my belief that if you're meant to own a pin, it'll find its way into your pin bag eventually, whether through a trade, sale, or zap. Who knows, one day, you'll find this pin or this pin will find you ... and maybe for a lower price than you were prepared to pay?
 
My two pennies...

Let it go. For whatever reason, this person is done communicating with you regarding this sale. I would take this as a big, red flag waving that this is trouble avoided.

I know how disappointing this is ((HUGS))
 
Take it from a longterm attempted completist - even the most impossible pins will find their way to you if they are meant to be yours.

This fall will be my 20 year anniversary of pin collecting. I'm still four pins (that I know of) away from being a completist - I'm missing 2 from 2016, 1 from 2017 and 1 very old one I've been hunting for from the beginning. While I question whether one actually exists as an authentic pin because I've never seen it turn up anywhere (the ABD one), of the other three, one is an LE500 (that's been faked so I'm struggling to find a real one), one is probably around an LE100 and one was probably like an LE2000 or more (the old one) that simply pre-dates trading and I've still never actually seen in person. None of these should be impossible or even close to impossible, but I still don't have them. But I will. In time. Pin collecting ultimately is a marathon, not a sprint. We all want it now, but what matters is that we get it eventually. :)

Hang in there!
 
Jabberwocky said:
Take it from a longterm attempted completist - even the most impossible pins will find their way to you if they are meant to be yours.

This fall will be my 20 year anniversary of pin collecting. I'm still four pins (that I know of) away from being a completist - I'm missing 2 from 2016, 1 from 2017 and 1 very old one I've been hunting for from the beginning. While I question whether one actually exists as an authentic pin because I've never seen it turn up anywhere (the ABD one), of the other three, one is an LE500 (that's been faked so I'm struggling to find a real one), one is probably around an LE100 and one was probably like an LE2000 or more (the old one) that simply pre-dates trading and I've still never actually seen in person. None of these should be impossible or even close to impossible, but I still don't have them. But I will. In time. Pin collecting ultimately is a marathon, not a sprint. We all want it now, but what matters is that we get it eventually. :)

Hang in there!
Click to expand...
What collection is that?

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk
 
dancecats said:
All of these scenarios are possible; I have another; I don't know how likely it is, but it's far more pessimistic. I hope I'm wrong, but I figured it's worth mentioning:

The seller didn't have the pin in hand when he/she messaged you, said it was located, and asked you for an offer. The seller just said the pin was found; perhaps in this case, 'found' meant located, not acquired or in hand. Since I'd imagine the pin would have been expensive to acquire (before the likely markup to resell it to you), I'd guess your seller didn't want to buy the pin without knowing what you'd be willing to pay for it. After all, if you refused it on the grounds that the pin was too expensive, the seller could be stuck with a pin he/she didn't want and might not be able to sell/trade away. Hence the open inquiry of an offer for it. That way, there's always a chance you could offer at least as much, if not more, than his/her 'base' acceptable price - and if you offer too little, a counteroffer could be proposed and negotiations opened.

In any case, since you said you offered significantly more than the last known sold example, I would guess that your offer was more than acceptable. I think it comes down to the seller not having the pin for the aforementioned reason. When the seller had confirmation that you were willing to pay 'enough' for the pin (in the form of your offer) and went to buy it, the seller found out that he/she was too late and someone else already bought it. Now the seller has to tell you that he/she doesn't have the pin ... and he/she would rather ghost you than admit to that.

I agree with everyone else; I see no point in continuing to contact this person. It's unfortunate that this seller has chosen to break off contact in such a manner, but don't let their problem(s) become yours. It's my belief that if you're meant to own a pin, it'll find its way into your pin bag eventually, whether through a trade, sale, or zap. Who knows, one day, you'll find this pin or this pin will find you ... and maybe for a lower price than you were prepared to pay?
Click to expand...
This was where my mind was going also... not to this level of detail, but this scenario makes sense to me. I wonder if they just really never had the pin.
 
I’ve never actually been a “completist” but I’ve gotten some pretty rad grails and I will say this... sometimes the chase is what makes it so much fun and painful and exciting. Once you have the pin it’s kind of bittersweet because then what is there left to chase... so enjoy the chase and like everyone else said, when the time is right it will find its way to you.
 
mybabykelly said:
I’ve never actually been a “completist” but I’ve gotten some pretty rad grails and I will say this... sometimes the chase is what makes it so much fun and painful and exciting. Once you have the pin it’s kind of bittersweet because then what is there left to chase... so enjoy the chase and like everyone else said, when the time is right it will find its way to you.
Click to expand...
I like this...

@Spr175psu maybe never find that last grail Mr. Toad... just imagine the let down? The chase will be over. I suppose you might take this as tongue in cheek, but I kinda mean it.

I recall making a trade for my biggest grail to date and when I finally received it, I had a moment of... "I have mastered this pin thing, what's left?" It changed how I view trading somewhat significantly. I was over it within a month or so (since there are always more pins to chase), but I still recall feeling like... its all not that hard to find in the end... It certainly increased my pin trading confidence as well as my patience for finding the pins.

Enjoy the chase!
 
Thanks everyone for the advice, I really appreciate it. I haven't yet determined how to proceed but I’ll probably not let it go. I’m way too obsessive to do that.

Although I love the chase, which is especially why I love collecting pins, I also love the sense of accomplishment of looking at my board and knowing that it's all there. In my younger and more vulnerable days (turning into a Gatsby novel), I used to collect Marvel cards (and Pokemon and Magic) and loved thumbing through my books and seeing complete sets and remembering all of the hard work (and dad's money) that went into achieving something previously thought unattainable. The chase will keep me going but the goal is always to complete my collection. Not to mention that it is probably one of my favorite Toad pins even without it being the last one I don't have.

I'll do my best not to pester the seller any longer, that's all I can promise.

HyOV1n.gif


tenor.gif
 
cyke23 said:
You'll find it; there's 14 other people with this pin! And when you're done with that, I know you've still got Gaston and ENG.
Click to expand...

And don’t forget Hercules! That’s the one I’m furthest away from completing. And then there’s my daughter’s Ariel collection, wife’s Charlotte and chip and dale collections, and I also want to start a Tarzan collection at some point. There’s enough of the chase to keep me busy and keep the fun in collecting for a while.

Update: seller got back to me after a few weeks saying that he was traveling and wanted to finalize transaction. I sent over PayPal info to invoice me and now no response for two days. Very frustrating.
 
You heard back from the seller, and he wants to go ahead with it. That's a good sign! I know this is frustrating, especially since it's a grail, but he may still be traveling or getting back into the swing of things on his return, or perhaps got travel crud and is sick.
 
Last edited:
Spr175psu said:
And don’t forget Hercules! That’s the one I’m furthest away from completing. And then there’s my daughter’s Ariel collection, wife’s Charlotte and chip and dale collections, and I also want to start a Tarzan collection at some point. There’s enough of the chase to keep me busy and keep the fun in collecting for a while.

Update: seller got back to me after a few weeks saying that he was traveling and wanted to finalize transaction. I sent over PayPal info to invoice me and now no response for two days. Very frustrating.
Click to expand...

I say you anonymously send them lots of spam till the transaction is over... and maybe even after... hehe
 
This is probably the longest transaction without any negotiation whatsoever in the history of time.

I’m all like

giphy.gif


And he’s like

tenor.gif


Still nothing, still waiting, not sending more messages.

giphy.gif
 
He probably didn't think you'd pay so quickly! So he sent the invoice and now is doing all the chores one must do after traveling for a period of time
 
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