Just curious what everyone thinks????

So, what do you think about helping people out here on the forum?

Most of my experience, here on DPF, have been great!

I have had mixed emotions though for the following reasons;

I have actually purchased a pin from EBay for someone outside of the country because the DPF member was dealing with someone who only sold/shipped within the US. when it arrived, I tried contacting the member and nothing.

The member had personally sent me the link to the EBay item, so there was no issue with getting the correct pin. It was also a buy it now.

The pin was $26 or $27 because it had just come out at DSF and it was a Tangled pin. Since they ignored my messages, I was stuck with the pin. I finally used it as a zap.

Anyway, I have done a few of these, helping members outside the US to get certain pins, even ordering from Disneystore.com. For the most part they are grateful, which is all I ask. I never ask for an upcharge or for more shipping or anything.

In most cases, most recently, I have even covered shipping because it was difficult to get in contact with a member, so I just shipped it and paid for the shipping and insurance, which most of you know is pricey to a location outside of the US.

I just think a nice thank you and decent follow up would be polite. Am I wrong?

The thanks and follow up do not need to be made public. Just a pm or email, saying thank you and the pin arrived, what was the total cost with shipping, etc.

Ok people, blast me with some reality here........

Again most that I have dealt with have been AWESOME and we continue to help each other out, it's just a select few.

I won't be telling any names because politeness, or lack thereof, is not exactly breaking any rules here on DPF or EBay. :-(

Vicki

Wow, if someone did me a favor like that I would def. thank them via PM and try to return in down the road. Having someone go out of the way for you, and not responding is just not classy. I hope those people do not deter your willingness to help others, because you truly are a valued member of the forum and your acts of kindness make it a great place to be. Shame on those that weren't grateful enough to thank you or to take the time to PM you.

It's not me is it? I've been wracking my brain to think. I don't think I asked you to get me a Tangled pin from ebay did I?

If it was me, then I apologise!

Whenever people help me out I always (as far as I can remember) make sure to thank them and help them out too if I can.

Vicki,

sorry about this experience. I understand how this can leave a bad taste in your mouth.

I absultely love how members here help each other within and outside of US. It is one of our "perks". I have been at both ends few times and my partners were sweethearts

You are definitely entitled to expect a PM from the other party especially considering how horrid the postal system acts. The other party should at least let you know about the safe arrival of their package.

I hope that this is more of an exception than the norm.

I think what you do is insanely nice! There are not a lot of people that I know that are willing to go out of their way to do that, granted, in my opinion it matters on where you live and how you are raised, even in the U.S. different states have their own culture in my eyes. I would even go to say that what you do may be too nice?? For buying and sending out pins with your own money and then to have someone not even have the decency to reply back is just crazy. If I personally were to do that for someone I would know them and actually have a friendship with them before seriously going out of my way for something like that, it's almost a game of chance. Granted, people like you make places like this brighter, I would just be careful because I would hate to see you get screwed over, and I don't even know you! Actions speak louder than words and by your actions you must be a phenominal person. Word of advice: caution.

Kindness for the sake of kindness is always best, especially if you don't expect even a thank you, it makes the thank you all the better. Do kind things because you feel like you should and that it makes you feel better. That said, ask for for the money first when buying something for someone who asked you to! There's being kind and doing a favour, and there's leaving yourself open to be stepped on! Sadly, something I see often in the pin community is a lot of people looking for easy targets. So be good, but be strong. You can't guarantee even a thank you, so it has to be worth it to you to even do it in the first place- the thank you is a bonus, though it should be a given. People are just not as polite anymore.

I also have to say this, what might appear as kindness and caring here (and out in the real world) at first has sadly sometimes turned out to be emotional manipulation. People you think are being nice or giving you something etc. turn out to have ulterior motives. This is why the anon zapping is so awesome to me- they don't want a thank you. They just want to do something nice.

It's unfortunate when people are rude but people tend to forget things like common courtesy when on the internet. In real life people would say please and thank you, at least I assume that much, because it's the proper response. When someone does a favor for you, even going so far as to cover something like shipping costs, that warrants at the very least some sort of verbal appreciation. When you can hide behind a username and a cartoon avatar, some people feel a lot freer to do things they wouldn't, like blatantly brush off someone or even go so far as to harass another person and use unnecessary language.

I can honestly say that even though I am painfully shy and awkward around pretty much everyone, I would remember to take twenty seconds to send a note of thanks. I'd hope most other adults would, too.

I recently started a kind of swap situation with someone outside of the US and all I can say is that is has been a wonderful and mutually grateful experience. I am so lucky to have some help obtaining a hard to find item and it has really made my days brighter plus I love the communications that we have exchanged about being a Disney OCD Completest...it has been fun. I am always very Thankful!

I agree with Constance: I want to help because I can and that is a good thing I can do for my own Karma... nothing is expected in return...
Hugs,
Liana

Never in a million years is it you!!!!!! Your one of the ones I mentioned that are AWESOME to deal with. Trust me if you have to wonder, then it's not you. Lolol

People are pretty blatant, so they know. :-(

I do not think I am a meanie, so to expect a return pm or email and then to add a little thank you doesn't feel like I'm asking too much and truly, I was raised this way and so far most here are like this. It is called manners and common courtesy.

Ok. I see most agree, but then a few don't, so I will except that. :-( Doesn't mean I gotta like it though. :-(

Tanya, your Awesome!!!!!

Vicki

anastasia said:

It's not me is it? I've been wracking my brain to think. I don't think I asked you to get me a Tangled pin from ebay did I?

If it was me, then I apologise!

Whenever people help me out I always (as far as I can remember) make sure to thank them and help them out too if I can.

Click to expand...

Most agree and a few gave more opinions so I guess basically you cannot expect too much from the human race. From those who have the intelligence to put a man on the moon, who construct skyscrapers, who can sometimes cure cancer and who can develop weapons of mass destruction.

It truly is a let down too me to know that basic manners are not being taught in the home any longer.

As I live and breathe!

Just one of those things I'll have to get used too.

Thank you everyone! I truly appreciate what everyone said. I really do.

Vicki

I do not think it is too much to ask and expect an IM or posting letting you know they received their pin with a small note of thanks mixed in. That is how it should be in my opinion.

I also think you are nicer than I am... While I would not have a problem getting a pin for someone, I think I would want the money for it up front including the amount it would cost me to ship it to them. That would take away any potential stress. I would also want it understood that if they choose not to insure it I will not be held responsible for damage or loss in the mail either. I would simply be acting as the catalyst to help them to obtain what they want.

YES Vicki ,you have been great and you help when you can...I do that too
recently I did..and I never got a thank you I got what I needed or nothing
I go out of my way as well..So yes a ZAP!!or even a nice thank you card or PM would of been good!
anything to let you know they appreciated it..and if you helped me I thank you as well

Judy

Judy,

You are the ultimate DPF'r! You go above and beyond in everything you do! I truly mean that. If anyone is a wonderful example of pin trading, it is you!

Thank you for your words of wisdom!!!!

Vicki

tiggermickey said:

YES Vicki ,you have been great and you help when you can...I do that too
recently I did..and I never got a thank you I got what I needed or nothing
I go out of my way as well..So yes a ZAP!!or even a nice thank you card or PM would of been good!
anything to let you know they appreciated it..and if you helped me I thank you as well

Judy

Click to expand...

I've kinda learned that you have to take the good with the bad. For the most part, my experiences have been great but once in a blue moon something sours. That's life. It doesn't affect my desire to help others get what they need. You can't judge the crate of apples by one bad one. I think that's it how I feel about helping others that's the key to this. If it makes ME feel good and makes them happy I've accomplished my goal. I don't do it for thanks, gratitude, or to try to get something later. I do it because what comes around goes around. I've lived a much happier life and learned to just say "C'est la vie" and go on. So that's my nickel's worth.

I for one am so very thankful for the members like yourself that are willing to help. If it weren't for the kindness of CaligirlUCR and SimbaNala and quite a few others around here I'm not quite sure how I would get these new pin releases. Their kindness is very appreciated and not forgotten.

Let me just say to you, thank you for going out of your way to help the people on this forum. Although you have not helped me personally I am certainly thankful that there are people like you on this forum

Hi Vicki,

You definitely are not expecting too much! You have just run into some people who have taken advantage of your kindness. Shame on them! I do feel there is a happy medium where you can be kind and also protect yourself - like getting the money up front as others have suggested Hopefully these types of incidents won't dampen your kind spirit. You are only responsible for your actions, not those of others. The good experiences I've had on here way outnumber the bad and most of the people I have had dealings with have integrity. I myself don't understand the mentality of people who can take advantage of others. Hopefully they are few and far between!

Hey Vicki,

I am a newbie and have found the members here to be gratious and wonderful to work with. I am stuck in the middle of the country, and it is difficult for me to get to the park for new releases and events. I had a member help me with the Project Florida event and another is helping me with Room For 1 More. Here's the thing though -- I think if you are going to ask someone to go out of their way to help you, you should be willing to pay them in advance for the product, tax and shipping. If, in a recent case, the member only wants a deposit, then that is okay, but at least an offer to cover everything up front is a no brainer. As for a thank you? I can't believe someone wouldn't offer that and more. People should be grateful there are members willing to help them out. And for all the discourteous cretins out there, I apologize and offer you my thanks for giving us who really do appreciate the help a chance.

The thing that bothers me most about Vicki's post is the fact that she is out of pocket expenses that she should not be expected to pay! THAT IS RUDE ANY WAY YOU SPIN IT!

Today's economy makes our hobby very hard, but to have to support someone else's hobby too can be detrimental.

It's never too much to ask for someone to at least let you know that they've received your package, publicly or not.
I'm sorry these things happen and it downright sucks! Everyone has had it happen to them one time or another.
You just have to keep your head up high and go on with your day. After all, that good karma is coming after you.

If helping someone I would just make sure they pay up front. Then you have nothing to lose.

Shame on them!!! You are SO generous & kind! I can't believe that anyone would do that to you! I am so grateful to those who've purchased pins & sent them to me in Montana that I would love to help someone else out. It is shameful that this has been done to you. I hope that pin karma bites them in the..... Um... Elbow?

You deserve much more respect than that person gave you.

huertajv said:

I have actually purchased a pin from EBay for someone outside of the country because the DPF member was dealing with someone who only sold/shipped within the US. when it arrived, I tried contacting the member and nothing.

The pin was $26 or $27 because it had just come out at DSF and it was a Tangled pin. Since they ignored my messages, I was stuck with the pin. I finally used it as a zap.

In most cases, most recently, I have even covered shipping because it was difficult to get in contact with a member, so I just shipped it and paid for the shipping and insurance, which most of you know is pricey to a location outside of the US.

Click to expand...

As a member of DPF from outside USA (or even UK where they at least have access to Disney Stores) I felt compelled to reply. First of all I'm technically depending on people in the US to help me with some pins I can't get online. What's more important for me is that there is a real, flesh and blood human being who is willing to help me even if she/he wouldn't have to. That's why I would go out of my way to make sure I at least stayed in contact and made the experience worthwile for the person helping me out. I can't understand this kind of behaviour.

There has been messages about cultural differences and I do understand that. Us Finns are not very good at emotions or even overwhelming politeness. I spent a week in L.A. a couple of summers ago and I really was stressed out because people kept asking me what was wrong because I wasn't smiling all the time! So if I say "thank you, that was very nice of you" it means "I had tears of joy in my eyes because of your kindness".:drool:

But no, I would never break contact like that.

Also, never ever should you have to cover the shipping expenses. I think it tells volumes about you when you said you didn't try to get your money back by selling the pins but used them as zaps instead. "That was very nice of you."

Hey Vicki,

My advice is to make sure you get payment BEFORE you purchase anything for anyone else . . . . unless you really know them. You shouldn't be putting out your own money to help someone else. Whether they are in country or out. What you did was extremely nice and at the very least a thank you was in order. I am sorry this happened but dont let it get you down and maybe send a message to the person asking if they recieved it and see if they say thank you when you jog their memory :0) If still no thank you then maybe you should decide whether or not to continur helping them.

You are obviously a sweetheart and I think you can tell that everyone here loves you! There's no excuse for people not to give someone common courtesy when they've gone out of their way to help. Please don't get burned twice by the same person. You rock!