What's WRONG with us all?!

[Gloomy]

Negative feedback only serves a purpose when it's rightly given, and I am seeing it used more and more as REVENGE and leverage. Unfair.

I'm basically never seeing it used at all, personally. I've seen more threads about how people shouldn't leave negative feedbacks in absurd circumstances where they absolutely should (2+ months of no delivery / no communication, et cetera), than I've seen actual negatives.

Also, likewise, emotional manipulation and threatening to destroy someone's reputation *IS* just as bad as bodily harm-

With all respect, I completely disagree with this statement. Threatening negative feedback, and threatening to physically hurt someone, are two threats that don't rank anywhere near eachother in my mind. One is a pretty commonplace - and unfortunately necessary - part of any online feedback system. The other is irresponsible; uncalled for; and illegal.

-JD

 

[Danttebay0]

And being nice should extend outside of the forums too, i got two hard elbows to the ribs yesterday when i was looking at the POMH Dumbo pins. The stores ony let you see four at a time and the dude behind me wanted a glance at the ones i was looking at. I didn't say anything because i got two good pins, but my side still hurts.

 

[tinkerbelle1956]

That is horrible Danttebay !
In this wait that I have had with holy_grail, I have been hospitalized for bronchial pneumonia, diagnosed with asthma, fractured a rib coughing, go to breathing therapy and you know what , all my pins were still mailed . There is no excuse, but still I wait and no neg feedback has been left .

 

[pauly88]

Sad part is some jerks will always be jerks I just ignore them don't make once bad apple scare you away but yes most folks go to crazy for new pins indeed...

 

[Constance]

And being nice should extend outside of the forums too, i got two hard elbows to the ribs yesterday when i was looking at the POMH Dumbo pins. The stores ony let you see four at a time and the dude behind me wanted a glance at the ones i was looking at. I didn't say anything because i got two good pins, but my side still hurts.

I absolutely agree. It's like Black Friday shoppers, people elbow, butt in line and I've even heard about PINS BEING GRABBED out of hands! People need to be kinder in general, pin trading is just a microcosm of the world, really.

I'm glad you at least got your pins for it!

 

[imatronaholic]

So where is holy_grail? You'd think that a member with a name like that would be a righteous pin person.

..and there is one DPF member that I would like to leave negative feedback for, but I'm not gonna touch that one with a ten foot pole! :shock:

 

[Moondance]

I've only considered/threatened leaving negative feedback because this one person refused to tell me when/if they sent me my pins, I emailed them, sent them a message on this forums, and I still saw them posting here and not responding to my PMs until I threatened negative feedback/report of pin hostaging.
When it's been 2+ weeks I feel I am in my right to be concerned, especially when I said I would be sending it and did so, and they waited until after I sent mine to tell me that they wouldn't be shipping it until 5 days later, which turned into 12 days later.

 

[tinkerbelle1956]

still patiently waiting . When should my patience run out ? It's worn thin already ! Esp with no answer from emails or PMs . Maybe I should wait till Christmas ! Yes, I'm starting to get just a little bit

 

[tinkerbelle1956]

Gee, what a surprise ! His private message inbox has now reached its limit .

 

[tiggermickey]

YES I noticed that too..when I tried to PM them...You know I would go with what you feel is right about the feedback

Judy

 

[Constance]

still patiently waiting . When should my patience run out ? It's worn thin already ! Esp with no answer from emails or PMs . Maybe I should wait till Christmas ! Yes, I'm starting to get just a little bit

You can always petition a mod to rectify the feedback later, I would go ahead and leave it at this point. You've done everything you can. I would also see if you have anything you can do with paypal, but if you sent a payment as a gift or money owed you likely can't do anything, likewise if you sent pins there's nothing to be done.

I don't get PMs in my email, but I get friends requests there from DPF, so you can always try to friend him and get his attention that way too (though it seems a lost cause at this point).

 

[tinkerbelle1956]

sorry was just venting as my son was going through some drama with his ex . I'm giving him till August 9th ... 60 days since I paid . As you said after that I can rectify it with a mod .

 

[Constance]

sorry was just venting as my son was going through some drama with his ex . I'm giving him till August 9th ... 60 days since I paid . As you said after that I can rectify it with a mod .

Exes are so horrid ... I should know. XD!

 

[tinkerbelle1956]

hurts worsse that my 2 year old GD has to see it . And its not her Daddy ... the boyfriend with their 1 year old son and yes my son was married at the time of that conceivment .

 

[erudolf]

Sadly, they are grouped together because the things I've been hearing around the forum has combined both. There have been a few instances I've heard about where both were threatened. Also, likewise, emotional manipulation and threatening to destroy someone's reputation *IS* just as bad as bodily harm- mental abuse is sometimes even harder to recover from than a physical injury, so I stand by my post. If we tolerate one kind of abuse we open ourselves to tolerating all kinds, and I just cannot abide that.

So this is all being drummed up because of hearsay and rumors? I'm sorry, but if this is really occurring then the people actually involved should be taking it to the mods. I don't see how making this an issue on the forum when it likely only involves a couple of people is beneficial to the community. It is just creating fears of trading and unfair speculation on who is involved.

I do not condone ANY kind of threat. They are ALL abusive and I will not stand to see people being abused in ANY way.

And from the horror stories? Pin trading isn't secure ANYWHERE, not with people stealing right out of books at trade nights, not with scrappers, not with people withholding pins and not with people who take money and run. As a community we are holding to ATROCIOUS social standards, and SOMETHING must be done. No abuse. No theft. Tolerance and Understanding. I cannot believe what I have heard about pin traders as a whole, nor what I have witnessed myself, so I won't back down. Negative feedback only serves a purpose when it's rightly given, and I am seeing it used more and more as REVENGE and leverage. Unfair.

I too think that threatening to leave negative feedback and threatening bodily are completely different things. If I'm waiting on a pin and am getting no communication I will tell the person "if I don't hear back from you by such and such a day, I will be leaving negative feedback". That technically could be considered a "threat" but I feel it is completely in my right to make it and I don't think it is overstepping any bounds.


If the only things someone listens to are the "horror stories" then their perception of pin trading is going to be very skewed. I have had maybe....less than 10 bad experiences but I have had hundreds of good ones. Dwelling on the bad, especially when you yourself are not involved, just ruins the hobby.

 

[Moondance]

I too think that threatening to leave negative feedback and threatening bodily are completely different things. If I'm waiting on a pin and am getting no communication I will tell the person "if I don't hear back from you by such and such a day, I will be leaving negative feedback". That technically could be considered a "threat" but I feel it is completely in my right to make it and I don't think it is overstepping any bounds.
If the only things someone listens to are the "horror stories" then their perception of pin trading is going to be very skewed. I have had maybe....less than 10 bad experiences but I have had hundreds of good ones. Dwelling on the bad, especially when you yourself are not involved, just ruins the hobby.

I completely agree that negative feedback "threatening" and bodily harm threatening are completely different types of threatening and should be treated as such.

 

[Constance]

I completely agree that negative feedback "threatening" and bodily harm threatening are completely different types of threatening and should be treated as such.

To clarify, this isn't about "oh well I'm going to leave you negative feedback since I didn't get my stuff". This is "I am going to leave you negative feedback because I am being vengeful and impatient and you don't deserve it" as well as "I am going to MAKE SURE NO ONE EVER TRADES WITH YOU AGAIN." This isn't just leaving feedback because someone didn't ship you something, and to ME, as someone who was emotionally abused VERY BADLY, to have someone threaten to take my ability to function in and enjoy a community I belong to is HORRIBLE and I personally would rather take a punch. I've been physically and emotionally abused both, and I would like to avoid BOTH and I think that our community should WAKE UP and start realizing how we are acting and what we are doing to one another. Just because you can't see a bruise on the psyche doesn't mean it's not there.

 

[Mr.Balloonatic]

I personally think you should leave negative feedback, and not a warning that you will do so. There are a few people here who know that it takes a lot to get me wound up about this sort of thing, but I personally think that is absolutely the correct thing to do in this case!

 

[Moondance]

To clarify, this isn't about "oh well I'm going to leave you negative feedback since I didn't get my stuff". This is "I am going to leave you negative feedback because I am being vengeful and impatient and you don't deserve it" as well as "I am going to MAKE SURE NO ONE EVER TRADES WITH YOU AGAIN." This isn't just leaving feedback because someone didn't ship you something, and to ME, as someone who was emotionally abused VERY BADLY, to have someone threaten to take my ability to function in and enjoy a community I belong to is HORRIBLE and I personally would rather take a punch. I've been physically and emotionally abused both, and I would like to avoid BOTH and I think that our community should WAKE UP and start realizing how we are acting and what we are doing to one another. Just because you can't see a bruise on the psyche doesn't mean it's not there.

I am deeply sorry someone threatened you in such a way, I truly am.

 

[Jacqui8374]

Fr me eudolft has the best point one of the things and its probably the only one I dont like about dpf are these public discussions of the situations I have said before on other threads that there should be mdoeration here I relaly dont think this is the palce for what ebcomes a public forum for airing grievances it should be in the hands of the mods and private. Its actually libel and I have seen people named. On top of that and it happened to me rude messages which are incorrect and whilst I got a private apology from one person the people who did it never bothered to correct the post a situation I find interesting.
I have said before when I see it, its the one thing that makes me stay away from this forum for a while and one day (I know its oging to happen) I am not coming back. Some would say well ridden but its a pity and in elevan years and no I dont like looking back but..... A lot of people used to complain that dizpins was tightly controlled yes it was and it didnt happen there. Frankly it shouldnt happen here
jACQUI

 

[iamdisneydan]

I agree that it DEFINITELY goes both ways, but waiting a week or two with communication isn't unreasonable.

Also, THREATENING BODILY HARM is NEVER okay. I've not been threatened with this but I've heard from several people that they were and I finally think it needs to be said that the threatening should STOP!

I had to comment on the bodily harm.

I am not going to say which side of the fence I am on as we all have different opinions, however, once bodily harm is brought into the picture I have a problem with it. This is what Police and the courts are for. You dont take matters into your own hands. If someone threatens you, that is a crime and can be reported. They can sue you or do many other legal actions but threatening bodily harm, I dont think so.

I have to agree that of it gets to this, it is just too much. Again, regardless of the circumstance and even if you got burned per say, you can not threaten someone. I dont care if its a $300.00 pin you dont go about resolving it this way. And the sad thing is there may be some of these people who are serious and they have your address because of the trade.

While I am fully capable of defending myself, that is not what it is about, I would immediatly alert the police and file a complaint. Believe it or not, it is a form of terrorism.

 

[Gloomy]

I agree with Jacqui. I don't think threads like these that lead to the public airing of grievances are really appropriate. if you need to publicly warn the community about someone, well, that's what negative feedback is for. And if someone is threatening physical harm, you should obviously go straight to the mods.

-JD

 

[Master Gracey]

Again, regardless of the circumstance and even if you got burned per say, you can not threaten someone. I dont care if its a $300.00 pin you dont go about resolving it this way. And the sad thing is there may be some of these people who are serious and they have your address because of the trade.

This. And yes, I can think of an incident where an individual threatened bodily harm on another member who was NOT in the room at the time. The threatening member is now gone, for a lot of added-up reasons. That doesn't mean that this is the only time this has happened. But I certainly hope it will be the last.

Also, my two cents - anybody who says that threatening to leave negative feedback, especially to someone who didn't actually deserve it at all, is not equated in any way to bodily harm, has never had their reputation ruined.

A punch will heal in a week. Being ousted by a community that you thought of as family? That hurts MUCH worse.

 

[scottydem]

This. And yes, I can think of an incident where an individual threatened bodily harm on another member who was NOT in the room at the time. The threatening member is now gone, for a lot of added-up reasons. That doesn't mean that this is the only time this has happened. But I certainly hope it will be the last.

Also, my two cents - anybody who says that threatening to leave negative feedback, especially to someone who didn't actually deserve it at all, is not equated in any way to bodily harm, has never had their reputation ruined.

A punch will heal in a week. Being ousted by a community that you thought of as family? That hurts MUCH worse.

+1, this actually has happened! And thank goodness this member is gone.

Fr me eudolft has the best point one of the things and its probably the only one I dont like about dpf are these public discussions of the situations I have said before on other threads that there should be mdoeration here I relaly dont think this is the palce for what ebcomes a public forum for airing grievances it should be in the hands of the mods and private. Its actually libel and I have seen people named. On top of that and it happened to me rude messages which are incorrect and whilst I got a private apology from one person the people who did it never bothered to correct the post a situation I find interesting.
I have said before when I see it, its the one thing that makes me stay away from this forum for a while and one day (I know its oging to happen) I am not coming back. Some would say well ridden but its a pity and in elevan years and no I dont like looking back but..... A lot of people used to complain that dizpins was tightly controlled yes it was and it didnt happen there. Frankly it shouldnt happen here
jACQUI

I'd say Dizpins was one of the worst controlled forums I've ever seen, and although a lot of it was not private, I can think of several scenarios where very bad situations were not solved because of favoring and whatnot. Kinda stinks. The mods here are great.

 

[Gloomy]

I think part of the problem is that almost no one in this conversation actually understands what's being discussed. Have physical threats actually been made? Were they death threats? How were they delivered? Is the person still on the boards? Or is this all hypothetical?

Also completely unknown to most people reading this thread is the definition of "undeserved," when we talk about "undeserved negative feedback." If anything, the past couple months on this site have demonstrated that the concept of what is and isn't undeserved negative feedback can really vary from person to person. I come from an online trading background (trading collectibles totally different from Disney pins) where if your end of a trade isn't received within 30 days, you get negged. Trade is received damaged and the recipient is not made totally happy through a replacement or mutually agreeable restitution? You get negged. Trader disappears without communication and 20 days pass, with other traders having had their 30 day threshold broken? You get negged. Then if the person comes back and it turns out it was a health issue or something, they make amends; fix the situation; and mods remove those negs once the wronged party is completely happy.

Some see it really differently here on DPF. Some people don't think it's right to leave a neg for three months or more, which blows my mind; but hey, that's their business. In between those two extremes, there are alot of shades of grey.

So yeah, right now, there's really no way for anyone to discuss this in a "we're all on the same page" type of context.

Though for reference, I'll always take the threat of negative feedback over physical violence. A single neg isn't going to ruin my reputation. Heck, I don't think it's going to ruin anybody's reputation.

-JD